The black-hole that is marriage


Whenever I stop to think about marriage, it ends with a shudder. This has been the pattern for the last year. As I inch closer to crossing the divide, I wonder what will be of my life. Sure, I am surrounded by married folks –at work and virtually all my childhood friends – who all have wonderful things to say about marriage, it still does not change the uncertainty of my future marriage life.

The above conclusion is not helped by the reality of today…..marriage infidelity and divorce are at an all-time high. People get into marriage to get out. Which makes you wonder “were these guys in love before taking this major step”. I bet you, a sizable chunk of divorcees will swear that they were in love before they got married and yet, it ended in pain for everyone. (Yes! I’m referring to all stakeholders in the marriage).

How does one prepare for marriage? You – know, it takes two to tango… what if one is ready and the other is not anywhere ready for marriage? What if you think you are ready and then once you get in, it dawns on you that you are not ready? How will this affect your life, if there are kids, how will this affect their own lives? Okay, let me stop (**Breathe in, breathe out…)

I asked an uncle who had been married for 50 years if there were any “secrets” to a successful marriage, he said, “Ken, hope and pray you and your wife can tolerate yourselves, if you guys can, every other things would fall in place”. That seemed like an easy feat, till you realize that you don’t know your limits on what you can tolerate, you don’t know how much of a jerk you could be to your partner and her own limits.

But there are also the positives, someone to share in your successes and trials, someone close to seek a second opinion from, someone to give you a different outlook on life, someone to settle down and plan long-term with etc. These are some of the things I look forward to in marriage.

From how it looks, no one really knows how their married life would turn out and this is what freaks me out.


4 thoughts on “The black-hole that is marriage

  1. I thought i was crazy cos i had been freaking out about marriage. My biggest fear is waking up one day and discovering I have married a total stranger! cos really, theres only so much you can know about someone befor you say I do.

  2. To add my 2 cents, i have been married for 25 years (and still counting). From experience, you can never be ready for marriage. You just have to be willing to take the plunge. I and my husband were barely our 20’s when we decided to tie the knot. We took the decision and we have been learning (on the job) ever since. It is just something that you will have to be aware of the risks and understand that it is a risk worth taking. Good luck as you decide.

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